Dave barry year in review

dave barry year in review

Dave barry s, year in review

Harding out at the far edges. Jeb Bush has an off night, falling asleep several times during his own answers. Ben Carson does better, except for when he identifies pyongyang as a kind of lobster. Trump dominates the evening, at one point ordering everybody to shut up while he takes a call on stage from beyonce. Savvy washington-based political insiders agree, after conferring with other savvy washington-based political insiders, that Trumps unorthodox behavior will alienate voters and he will be out of the race by fall. On the democratic side, hillary Clinton continues to have no choice but to roll her eyes over all these pesky scandals that her enemies keep dreaming up to prevent her from serving the American people, especially women. The current scandal involves the email server she used as secretary of state, which, in a deviation from government-security standards, was located in her home and had Mrs. Clintons personal secret password (password) written on a sticky note stuck to the front.

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Also, the Acropolis is missing. But the big international news comes from vienna, where Iran signs a deal with the United States and five other nations under which Iran, in exchange for a lot of money, promises to stop trying to build a nuclear bomb. President Obama says the deal makes our country, and the world, safer and more secure. For his part, Irans Supreme leader ayatollah Ali Khamenei says,", death to America, but he says it in what. Negotiators describe as a softer tone. In sports, the. Wins the womens World Cup, defeating Japan 5-2, with three of the goals being scored by tom Brady wearing a brandi Chastain model sports bra. Speaking of hot,. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration reports that July was the hottest month globally ever recorded. With a renewed sense of urgency, the worlds industrialized nations vow to continue sending large delegations via jumbo jets to distant conferences on climate change until this darned thing has been licked. In politics, writers mba the republicans hold their first presidential debate, featuring approximately 75 candidates ranging outward in popularity from Donald Trump at center stage to john Kasich and the late warren.

The new Horizons interplanetary probe, having traveled more than 3 billion miles over nearly 10 years, finally reaches Pluto and transmits back data proving conclusively — in a discovery that sends shock waves of bladder malfunction throughout the astronomy community — that Pluto consists. The nation reacts with horror to the news that a minnesota dentist has killed Cecil the worlds Suddenly most Beloved lion. The dentist instantly becomes resume a less-popular version of Hitler and goes into hiding to escape animal-rights activists threatening to give him a root canal with a chainsaw. Hackers announce that they have broken into the Ashley madison website and obtained personal data on millions of clients allegedly seeking to have affairs. A statistical analysis will later reveal that, of the 37 million accounts hacked, only 23 belonged to actual women, 21 of whom were Ashley madison employees posing as clients. The remaining two belonged to miley cyrus. In political news, the crowded field of Republican presidential hopefuls is joined by a person named John Kasich, who claims to have at one time been governor of Ohio, although nobody can verify this. On the democratic side, enthusiasm builds for the candidacy of 147-year-old socialist Bernie sanders and his populist plan for reining in Wall Street via a combination of stricter financial controls and strategic beheadings. In other finance news, the International Monetary fund sends a collection agent to Athens, only to discover that the Greek government has moved out of Greece without leaving a forwarding address.

dave barry year in review

Year, we redesigned The company - nathan

Supreme courts ruling that state laws banning same-sex marriage are unconstitutional. The thesis Treasury department asks for input from the public on which woman will be depicted on the redesigned 10 bill. The immediate front-runners are mary Ann, ginger, taylor Swift and the two sisters from Frozen. On the political front, the big story is Donald Trump, who declares his candidacy for president and lays out a bold, far-reaching vision for America consisting of whatever thought is flitting through his mind at that particular moment. Trump is deemed to have no chance by veteran Washington-based political experts with vast knowledge of what all the other veteran Washington-based political experts think. Also declaring his candidacy, and predicted by the experts to do far better, is Jeb Bush, whose official campaign slogan is: Jeb! — the Exclamation Mark denotes Enthusiasm. Speaking of excitement,.

Mayweather wins the fight and takes home 220 million, which works out to a little over 70 million per punch actually landed, then celebrates by attempting to wake up his entourage. Elsewhere in sports, the kentucky derby is won by new England Patriot quarterback tom Brady, riding tight end Rob Gronkowski. Abroad, there is big excitement in England, where Prince william and Catherine, duchess of Cambridge, produce another royal baby, who, in a sign of the changing times, is christened Princess Brooklyn dakota. She joins the line of royals destined to spend their lives gamely trying to appear interested in an endless series of building dedications. In a disturbing development, a seattle convenience store is robbed at gunpoint by what police identify from the surveillance video as a genetically modified potato. Speaking of disturbing,. The federal Office of Personnel Management announces that hackers have gained access to the personal records of millions of current and former government employees. An opm statement downplays the seriousness of the data breach, stressing that if anybody publishes any photos allegedly depicting an alleged cabinet secretary with an alleged goat, those are fake, further noting that it was totally a consenting goat. In a historic decision on gay rights, the nations highest legal authority — kim davis, clerk of Rowan county, kentucky — overturns the.

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dave barry year in review

When does human personhood begin?

He immediately becomes a front-runner for the republican presidential nomination. Elsewhere on the political front, hillary Clinton declares her candidacy for president and sets out to demonstrate that thesis she is a regular human by riding to iowa in a custom van driven by secret Service agents. In maumee, ohio, she stops at a chipotle for takeout, a news event that produces a spasm of political journalism. The new York times (we are not making this journalism up) breaks the story, reporting that Clinton wore sunglasses and ordered a chicken burrito bowl. Responding with drastic measures to californias worsening drought, gov. Jerry Brown announces the creation of a state saliva conservation board.

Abroad, Djoomart Otorbaev resigns as the prime minister of Kyrgyzstan, citing an inability to get business cards with everything spelled correctly. In sports, the ncaa mens basketball tournament is won by the new England Patriots, who defeat the University of Wisconsin 2-0 in a game featuring a basketball inflated to basically the same pressure as a road-kill squirrel. Speaking of sports scandals,. International soccer is rocked by allegations that bribery was involved in awarding the 2022 World Cup to qatar, a nation with little soccer tradition, as evidenced by the fact that the 12 stadiums it has built for the tournament all feature large decorative fountains. But the big sports story is the long-awaited — were talking decades — boxing match between Floyd mayweather. And Manny pacquiao for the undisputed world title in the Older guys Basically Standing Around division.

As February draws to a close, 5,000 is troops land in Mexico and march north. They are able to reach Cleveland unnoticed because the entire. Population is heatedly arguing over the color of a picture of a dress on the Internet. Speaking of heated,. Over the strong objections of the Obama administration, Israeli Prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu addresses a joint meeting of Congress.

He immediately becomes a leading contender for the republican presidential nomination, four points ahead of the drone. Abroad, russian President Vladimir Putin mysteriously vanishes from public view for 10 days. It is later revealed that he was training customer service representatives for Comcast. Abroad, tensions mount on the korean peninsula when North Korea, in an unprecedented cyberattack, posts an estimated 23 million negative reviews of south Korea on Yelp. Speaking of tension,. C., is hit by a power outage, meaning that for several harrowing hours the rest of the nation is forced to form its own policies. A week later, washington is again shaken when a florida mailman, making a powerful statement for or against something, lands a gyrocopter on the lawn of the capitol building.

Final, year, student blog

Also technically he wasnt in a helicopter in Iraq; it was a volvo station wagon on the new Jersey turnpike. But there was a lot of traffic. A contrite williams blames the lapse on post-traumatic stress disorder resulting from killing Osama bin Laden. Abroad, Greece, under intense pressure to meet its debt obligations, gives Germany two of its three remaining goats. Leonard Nimoy is beamed up for the last time. In apple business news, troubled retailer RadioShack files for bankruptcy, citing the fact that in the past six years, the chains 4,000 stores had made a nationwide total of one sale, that being a home email server purchased by hillary Clinton. In sports, the new England Patriots defeat the seattle seahawks 28-24 to win a super Bowl marked by surprises, including one play in which the patriots — undetected by game officials — had a grenade launcher guaranteed on the field, an infraction that coach Belichick later.

dave barry year in review

Eyebrows are raised when not a single top. Official attends, but several days later, secretary of State john Kerry arrives in France with James taylor, who — this really happened — performs the song youve got a friend. This bold action strikes fear into the hearts of terrorists, who realize that Secretary kerry is fully capable, if necessary, of unleashing Barry manilow. Meanwhile in Washington, a drone crashes on the White house lawn and immediately becomes a leading than contender for the republican presidential nomination. In sports, the inaugural ncaa division I college football playoffs reach a surprising climax when the Oregon Ducks are defeated in the championship game 42-20 by the new England Patriots. Asked how this is possible, given that the patriots play in the nfl, coach Belichick opines that it could be a result of global climate change. Speaking of surprises,. Nbc suspends Nightly news anchor Brian Williams after an investigation reveals inaccuracies in his account of being in a military helicopter under fire in Iraq. Williams did not actually come under fire, states the network.

that the bitter cold could threaten the vast herd — estimated in the thousands — of Republican presidential hopefuls roaming around Iowa expressing a newly discovered passion for corn. As temperatures plummet, some candidates are forced to survive by setting fire to lower-ranking consultants. For most Americans, however, the cold wave is not the pressing issue. The pressing issue — which will be debated for years to come — is how, exactly, did the new England Patriots footballs get deflated for the afc championship game. The most fascinating theory is put forth by patriot head coach Bill Belichick, a man who, at his happiest, looks like irate ferrets are gnawing their way out of his colon. He opines — these are actual"s — that atmospheric conditions could be responsible, and also declares that ive handled dozens of balls over the past week. This will turn out to be the sports highlight of the year. In Paris, 2 million people march in a solidarity rally following the horrific terrorist attack on the French satirical newspaper Charlie hebdo.

We apologize, but 2015 had so many negatives that were having trouble seeing the positives. Its like were on the titanic, and its tilting at word an 85-degree angle with its propellers way up in the air, and were dangling over the cold Atlantic trying to tell ourselves: At least theres no waiting for the shuffleboard courts! Are we saying that 2015 was the worst year ever? Are we saying it was worse than, for example, 1347, the year when the bubonic Plague killed a large part of humanity? Yes, we are saying that. This was the year when American sports fans became more excited about their fantasy sports teams — which, for the record, are imaginary — than about sports teams that actually exist. This was the year when the selfie epidemic, which was already horrendous, somehow got even worse. This was the year of the man bun. And if that isnt bad enough, this was the year they tricked us into thinking Glenn got killed on The walking dead.

Rolle's theorem : wikis (The full wiki)

Dave barry, trending Stories. Sometimes we are accused — believe it or not — of being overly negative in our annual year in review. Critics say we ignore the many positive events in a given year and focus instead on paper the stupid, the tragic, the evil, the disgusting, the kardashians. Ok, critics: we have heard you. This year, instead of dwelling on the negatives, were going to start our annual review with a list of the top Ten good Things That Happened in 2015. Here we go:. We didnt hear that much about Honey boo boo. Ok, well have to get back to you on good Things 2 through.

Dave barry year in review
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  3. 2016 dave barry year in review now on sale. Dave barry found no shortage of events that shook the world this year, and he has put his reflections into. Re the book: I love dave barry always look forward to his annual year in review in the washington Post Magazine. Acclaimed south Florida writers dave barry and Carl hiaasen join Michael Putney for a special year - in - review on "This week in south Florida.".

  4. Sometimes we are accused — believe it or not — of being overly negative in our annual. Dave, barry s, year in, review : Russia mania, covfefe and the category 5 weirdness of 2017. Dave, barry by, dave, barry, december 31, 2017. Dave, barry s 2017, year in, review : Did that really happen? Dave barry recaps 2017 by asking, did that really happen? In his annual year in review.

  5. Dave 's, year in, review. Dave gives us his take on the year just ended. Year in, review 2016. Year in, review 2015. Posted by Steve lettau. Dave, barry s, year in, review.

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